As I told you in the previous post, we spent Memorial Day on a Honda Goldwing. That was because my Mom and Pop agreed to care for Alex. He has been in such pain lately, that I will not leave him for any length of time…unless I have someone specifically agree to look after him. We had a pretty rough night last night. Alex had to take extra meds, which is always a concern to me. Today was Don’s follow-up appointment in Birmingham with his Neurosurgeon. I was planning to go with him. I have not been able to see his doctor or talk to him since we found this intruder in his brain…and that is something I really wanted to do. But, when we got up this morning, I just could not feel comfortable leaving. There are times when my gut just says “don’t leave.” And, through the years, I have learned to trust that feeling. This change of plans, of course, disappointed Don. He had to make the trip by himself. He understood and said I was right to stay, but I just feel so torn in situations like this.
One of the hardest things throughout our years raising our boys with their difficulties, is feeling like there was never enough of me to go around. One brother got most of the attention and the other brothers sorta of fended for themselves.(I don’t mean Don didn’t help…he did, but I am talking about the ‘mothering’ things). At least they all had their turn at being the one to have my attention. And, now, I feel the same way about Don. I am not able to spend the time with him that I would like, because Alex needs someone near. I feel as if I am always asking the qestion,”Who needs me the most?”
There is no neat and tidy answer to this dilemma…it just is what it is. I am not whining…just stating facts. Because all the moments I spend with Alex are so sweet. He is so appreciative and so concerned for my well being. It has been several months now since he has had any break in his pain. It just gets overwhelming at times…and someone needs to be near. I pray for him to just get a good night’s sleep.
Don just called with his report from the doctor. All looks the same. The mass has not changed in 6 months…so we Praise God for that! He goes back in a year unless he begins to have some problem.
He also found some teak outside furniture on sale at Restoration Hardware, and he loves to buy things on sale! So we discussed and bought a lanai full of furniture…he in the store connected to me at home by cell phone. Whatever works, huh? Sometimes you just have to be creative to make things happen. Most times there IS a way…if you try hard enough!
So, we have lovely furniture for the lanai and poolside….but nothing for inside the house. That is something else I have learned….do what you can WHEN you can…that may be the only opportunity you have. Matters not if it is out of order…that;s what keeps life interesting!