Yesterday came and went. And I survived it. I buried my mother. Can you imagine how hard it is to type those words? I wasn’t ready to do that. I didn’t want to do it. And, I did not like doing it. And, I told God…and He listened. He said to me the same thing that my sweet Ian, did when I said those words to him. He just held me and let me cry, and said “I know…I know.”
“But, God”, I said, “why did you do this to me? Why did you take my Mother away? Why did you take Pop’s love away? Why did you take the kid’s Granny away?” But, He gave me no answer then. Which made me mad, because if you really want to hear a word from God, it is when He takes your Mom away!

Ian and I went to pick up Pop yesterday morning before the service. He happens to have a very unruly patch of hair right in the back of his head. Mom always would have him sit at her vanity and she would fix that spot. And, then she would spray it so it would stay. I did that yesterday. Ian made sure the tie matched the suit…Mom did that, too. And, we were off. When we walked into the sanctuary at church, Mom was lying there, and I went and rubbed her head and touched her beautiful white hair, and told her I hoped she would be pleased with all we did in her honor.

And, family and friends started arriving. I don’t think I mentioned before that her sisters, and her brother and his wife, and 2 cousins came from NC. It was such a comfort to have them with us. They all still live withing a few miles of one another near their homeplace…Mom is the only one who moved away. But, they have remained very close through the years, and Joy and I have been so fortunate to have a wonderful relationship with them all. Several dear friends, who are older, and very feeble, came…in wheelchairs. She has ministered to them over the years. I would never have thought she would go first. The pastors were there, and the musicians were there. I tried to speak to everyone who we had not seen the night before at visitation. But, I became a little overwhelmed at one point, and sat down on the front pew…and covered my eyes. Tears began to fall. I said, in my grief,”O God! Why have You done this? Why?” And, He did not answer me. But, when I opened my eyes, there stood 4 dear friends from school. I got hugs and love straight from the Father….and regained my composure. People took their seats as it got close to the time for the service. Pam had been playing the piano. But, my sister took over…and played with the grace of an angel. She played for about 15 minutes…songs that were favorites of Mom…songs that she used to sing as solos and duets. And the last song,”It is Well”…she played, and as I watched she was singing the words as she played…”It is well with my soul…” It was a beautiful moment. It took great strength for Joy to do that, but she did it as a tribute to Mom…and for Tara, and Lori, and Tommy, and Pop, and me. Thank You Joy. She loved that!

Our family, both by blood, and by friendship, retired to a quiet room for prayer. While we were gone the casket was closed. My Mom was inside…along with a little cloth angel that she had given to Lori when she was a little girl. That angel had been over her bed ever since…and followed her to college and grad school and now into her home as a new wife. And, now it lies with Granny…all stuffed full of a young girl’s love for the sweet lady who understood her so well and loved her without question.

The beautiful blanket of flowers for the casket. Red shirts on top are the shirts our Women On Mission Team wore each year. Several were brought to the gravesite.

Note the 3 large orchids…for Pop, Joy, and myself.

The following are close ups of the flowers.

The name of these roses is ‘Priceless’…a very fitting name for my sweet Mother.

Very quickly let me share with you what I have experienced tonight.

This was the night of visitation at the funeral. It was to be from 6-8. The family met there at 5:00 to view her body and get prepared for the evening. At 5:40, the director came and said, is it OK if we let folks in now…there are already 50 people in line?! And so they came… and they came steadily for the next 2 1/2 hours! Many of you who read this blog came. And everyone’s face had a smile…as they told us how Mom had impacted their lives, or how she changed their lives…or what she had taught them…or the example she set.

And every story warmed my heart. And every story made me feel proud. Not because of what I had done, but because she was MY mother. And every story blessed me with comfort.

But, most of all…every story honored her. It honored her time, and work, and energies spent in the service of the Lord. It honored her commitment to the great work of the church and the role she played in it. It honored her in front of her loved ones.

I feel that because she honored Him with her life…He honored her in her death. Even though her health had been a little shaky lately, she did not become ill and suffer long. She did not die in some sort of tragic accident where there would have been great pain. The most pain she felt was maybe 5 minutes. And, then he mercifully took the feeling of pain from her as she lapsed into a coma. She did not slip into the clutches of dementia and leave us looking after only her body. She was able minded and ‘just a little less’ than able bodied up until the moment the cerebral hemorrhage started.

God was so kind and gracious to her. I think He was very pleased with how she lived the life he gave her. And, so, when He decided it was time for her to go home…He chose to honor her in death.

That is a great comfort to this daughter.

‘Night Mom…I was so proud of you tonight!

Today has been a very hard day.

I woke this morning with a weight on my heart. You know that feeling that is half awake/half asleep? That feeling of “I need to remember something…”? And, knowing instinctively that you really don’t want to remember? That is the feeling I woke to today. My mom isn’t here. I can not go see her. I can not call her. I can not hug her. I can not have her ‘make it all better.’

Today has been a very hard day.

From the moment I got over to Pop’s until the time I left-an hour ago…there have been people there. Everyone wants a hug and everyone wants to know what happened…and everyone is talking at the same time. And, it is very loud. And, I have a headache. And, Pop looks so small and lonely. His ‘Ella’ always was in charge of these big shindigs. She had everything arranged, and everything in place. He didn’t know what to do…and where to go…his helper, his partner, his other half was not there.

Today has been a very hard day.

Joy, Pop, and I went to the funeral home to finalize plans that had been made earlier. But, things were not in place as they should have been. Things were not done as they should have been. What we were expecting and what transpired were 2 very different things. (I’ll explain more about this later). So, we were disappointed and yes, a little bit angry. But, knowing mistakes can happen…we tried to make the best of it…we tried to think about what really mattered. And, then another oversight…Lord, what’s going on? And, why is this happening? OK…so let’s go from here.

Today has been a very good day.

When I got to Pop’s, I found friends..already hard at work. Patty was busy organizing the kitchen. Food had already started pouring in. And, she was tackling it. Suzanne was busy writing everything down, and keeping records of plates and such. Tara and Lori were busy greeting those who were arriving. Joy and I set about finding some papers we needed. Looking up, I found my friend, Shirley coming in the door from out of town. I was so happy to see her. She set about helping Patty and teaching her how to make coffee! I found Mom’s dress and we began to find her accessories, things we needed to take to the funeral home. Patty left, and Tina arrived…along with Jan. Pam came and Shirley came back. They handled the kitchen. They thought to get plastic containers to put the food in and they organized it all without a dab of help from me. Actually I usually start twitching when I stay in a kitchen for very long…it is not a pretty sight. Whenever someone came in that needed to eat…there was food…and plates…and ice…and napkins…and food…food…food!

Today was a very good day.

We took Mom’s clothes and Pop, Joy and I headed out to the funeral home. A very pleasant young man met us at the door. He ushered us back to a conference room, and we began the process. Questions…dates…names…who…what…etc. We got it all answered. And, then we got some unhappy news…things were not as we expected. Mom’s casket was supposed to have a pink lining…and it was white. Now this is just a little thing…but not so little today. The fact is that Mom and Pop had their 58th wedding anniversary last week. They went that day to the funeral home and picked out their caskets. 5 days ago. My mom picked out the stainless steel casket with a pink lining. And, that is what she wanted. And, that is what we wanted her to have. But, the original salesman had ordered the wrong thing. We either had to change to a different casket…that we didn’t like…or accept the white lining.We were not happy…Pop especially. And, he told this nice gentleman just what he thought about this. Pop was not ugly or unkind…just firm. This man was as patient and helpful as he could be. He called this place and that place and another place…but the best we could do was to delay the funeral 2 days for one to be shipped. Nope…not going to happen. So, I told him again that we were not happy with this, but,we knew it was not his fault,,,and we would make the best of the situation. Then there was another problem with the way things were explained to Pop…and thus began a long explanation again and again and again. But, this guy never lost his cool (though I am sure he was thinking, “How did I manage to pick THIS family?” Patience prevailed…and all was well. Until they could not find the records of the marker that Mom picked out. I took the brochure…Joy and I made a quick decision…and moved along. We could have gotten someone who was not patient and understanding…who tried to pass the buck. But, he tried everything he could to please us. And, when we left…with a 25 pound ham in our hands…we were at peace with all that was arranged.

Today was a very good day.

My dear friend, Pamela, who lost her father 4 years ago to the day, has always had a special place in Mom’s heart. Mom has always said that she wanted Pam to sing at her funeral. Pamela used to sing solos alot, but hasn’t in several years. Her father’s death went much the same way as Mom’s and it has been very hard on her. Today, when I asked her to sing…a million things passed through those eyes…and in a very long few seconds she said,”Yes, yes I’ll sing for Mrs. Ella”.

Today was a very good day.

We have seen so many people who loved Mom…people who said how she had changed their lives. People have stopped by with this story to tell about her, that funny joke she loved to play, how she led so many of us when we were young women…into the roles we play today; roles which include the leading of other younger women, who will take our places. She led by example. She led well.

Today has been a very good day.

The young man who takes car of Mom and Pop’s lawn drove by with his equipment…just to make sure everything looked tip top “for Mrs. Ella.” He blew off the sidewalks and touched up the lawn…and she would have been so proud. As I got in my car to leave, Pop was out watering the flowers. Mama’s flowers which she took such a joy in growing. He was doing what she would have done if she were here.
I left Tina and Jan in the kitchen. They were putting up all the food…and fixing Pop a dish of warm peach cobbler and a glass of milk. They insisted I leave. And, I felt so blessed to have friends -all day long- who say…”I am here to serve. I am here to help you make it through this, I am here to ease your burden. I am here because I love you and your family.”

Today has been a very long day.

Good-night, Mama. All is well.

Dear Friends,

This morning I called my Mom about noon to check on her. She was not feeling good last night. She said she didn’t feel good, but that she was better. She told me about what she was cooking Pop for lunch, and asked about how the boys all were. Then she had to go because she heard Pop coming in and she had his potato fritters ready to fry.

After lunch, they both lay down on facing couches for their nap. In a few minutes, she was up and saying she hurt…then she began hollering with the pain and told Pop to call 911. He did, and they came and said that she would be fine…this was not life threatning. Joy went on to meet Pop at the hospital. It seems that while she was in the ambulance, she became unresponsive. As soon as they got her to the hospital, they put her on the ventillator. After XRay and CT…it was determined that she had had a massive stroke in the cerebellun.

The entire family who are in Dothan had gathered, and our pastor…they waited with us for the DR. to talk to us. The bleed had occurred in the cerebellum, the brain stem was affected, and spinal fluid was compromised. There was the possibility that surgery may give her back a small amount of function…or kill her immediately. But, if she lived, she would have had to have skilled care for the rest of her life. We did not want her to live like that…she would not have wanted to live like that. And, so…we did nothing. They moved her to ICU so they could monitor her. We were waiting for Ian to arrive from Birmingham, and Ben to arrive from his guard duty. As soon as every one was there…we removed the ventilator. She struggled to breath…and we thought she was going to leave us then. However, her breathing got better…her color got better…and her heart remained strong. We sent everybody home about midnight,so Pop and Joy and I sat with her. We talked to her and sang to her. About 1:45 she stoped the labored breathing, and took very shallow breaths. Her heart rate also slowed way down. And…one minute she was with us…and the next, she was with Jesus. At 1:53.

After attending to the necessary paperwork, Pop and Joy and I each went our separate ways. No one wanted any company…we wanted, I think, to put it all in place in our minds. She was with us this morning and tonight she is in Heaven.

Tomorrow we will get together to plan the funeral.
I have some more very interesting things to tell you. How amazingly God worked.
His hand was seen everywhere.

I may not be posting for a few days…please forgive me, But, I’ll be back in a day or two.

I covet your prayers for strength, and wisdom, and patience. I’m here to testify to you that God Almighty is on His Throne! He alone is worthy of our adoration and praise. And, I praise him for having such tender mercies toward my Mother.

Rest well, Sweet Mother…I love you!