Last year, I began to get notices from my Sky Miles people about my points. I must ‘use them or lose them’. Since I had no intention of going anywhere, I just ignored the letters. Finally I opened one and it read, “… convert your sky miles to magazine subscriptions.” Well, I earned them, I might as well use them for something, I thought, and that is how I ended up subscribing to 12 magazines at the same time. Do I ever have time to read them all? Never. So, they just stack up in the kitchen until Don or I get fed up and throw them out. Especially the Glamour and InStyle…what was I thinking? I’m quite a ways from being InStyle (their version)…and I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of being Glamourous!
Well. Since this was a Saturday morning, I could take my time at breakfast. I turned on TV and watched a little of HGTV’s ‘Love It or List It’. Don’t even get me started! They must have 100 or more episodes of this show and every. single. one. of them is the same show. One spouse wants to move and the other doesn’t. The crazy ‘Love It’ lady always runs out of money and can’t finish. So she leaves something really important undone and tries to dress things up so the owners don’t notice. The equally crazy ‘List It’ man sets out to find a house. He is going to show them 3 with the final one being the one to impress. For some reason he doesn’t even listen to their requests on the first two, so they are basically a ‘show this house’ video. The owners always love what Crazy Lady did, but are so disappointed she didn’t do it all. Oh, and surprise! value has been added to their house by what she has done though, so maybe they CAN buy the house that Crazy Man showed them that was over budget, but so perfect, otherwise! They are torn about what to do and amazingly…in the space of 30 seconds, have a discussion about something as important as whether to stay or go…and decide! We are on pins and needles until we find out their decision. This same scenario is played out on every episode. Wake up, HGTV!!!
It is a shame what you will watch if you are tired and sleepy and lazy! It is a greater shame to admit you do.
When I came to my senses, I got one of the magazines out of the stack and began perusing it. This one was one of those less expensive mags you can pick up at the check out counter. Did you know… there are about ’30 ways for you to dress up a pumpkin and make your house the cutest on the block for Halloween‘. Yeah. Well, we don’t do Halloween. Next! Here’s an article that is going to tell me‘ what jeans to buy for my body type’. We all love jeans, and since I do have a body type, I thought this may have some useful info. Ha! What is so dumb about these aticles is they dress the models up so they look great. (And, let me give credit here…this magazine actually had models who were short and wide and fluffy, tall and skinny, short and skinny, tall and fluffy, flat in the front, but curvy in the back…you get it. Most of the time they show all the styles on the average size 8 model who is tall and thin and has her clothes specifically tailored for her!) They had all the ladies looking very nice…and then showed 2 styles of jeans that would accomplish that look. Neither of which was on the model. But, you had to read in very, tiny print to discover that. And, naturally the jeans that looked so good on her was some brand no one I know has ever heard of and no one I know would ever buy because it would cost them a weeks salary! So, that was a bust. However, I know that it is possible for all size ladies to look good in a pair of jeans…if you make the big bucks!
Flipping over a few pages, I ran into an article that told me how to ‘stay in touch with a faraway friend’…and another on why ‘coconut oil is a super food‘, now. I also learned that if you put cold eggs in a recipe it will cause the fat in the butter to harden and nothing will mix evenly. Now, I did not know that. But, it has always been enough for me to know that if a recipe said room temp eggs…there had to be a good reason. I now am a better educated cook. Don will be so happy.
Going on through the book, I find help for the same problem I face week after week at my house...’HELP! I Have Leftover Sphaghetti’. NOT!!! I learned this, though…The Healthiest Vending Machine Snacks…***crunchy granola bar***caramel corn rice cakes***pretzels***Sun Chips (a healthier potato chip)***and a ‘Smart Splurge’ would be…peanut m&m’s. Hmmmm…chocolate of any kind is always a ‘Smart Splurge’ to me! 🙂 Don’t you agree?
Then I spot a title that causes me to want to check it out. DON’T STRESS OVER SUPPER. It says I can ‘play all day and still have dinner on the table in no time’. This sounds interesting. While it is for sure that I don’t like to cook…it would be nice to fix something fast and yummy from time to time. I kid you not…the first sentence in the first recipe says to prepare the filling two days in advance and freeze it, then thaw to finish recipe. I don’t even plan two hours ahead, let alone two days! The recipe goes on to list 18 ingredients…18! For a fast supper? I stopped reading after 5! Here’s another that begins by telling me to ‘move all the racks in my oven’…already too complicated. Oh, here’s one for Spinach and Feta Pie. Pie is supposed to be sweet, is it not? Are you serious? And, next, a huge bowl of Sausage and Chard soup. Is there even such a thing as chard? OK…that is all of this I can stand. Let’s move on.
Now, I tried to read this next article, so I could give you the condensed version…but I’m not sure I understand exactly what it is and why I need it. BUILD THE BEST PRICE BOOK. You actually buy a blank book and build yourself a price book listing all the things you buy and what they cost and where you got the best deal on it and what you were wearing at the time and if you had your children riding in the cart with you. Then you will “Never, ever have to pay full price again…you will know a good deal when you see it…and you will know exactly where to shop. Just write all your prices…even call around to check on them, when you have time. And, remember to always keep it with you, wherever you go.” First of all, if I wrote all this down in a book one time…I would never be able to find it so as to use it a second time! And, secondly, I can’t even manage to get my keys and cell phone and debit card in the same place all at once! I can not possibly keep track of something else!
I learned that I should get my pup a pal, and my horoscope says I will have a ‘new financial game plan’..could they possibly be talking about my new PRICE BOOK!!! (see previous paragraph). Oh, and September is National Yoga Month. Now where did I put that old yoga mat?
Bet ya know where I stored this little periodical…….
Oh, I DO LOVE YOU!!
So glad to see you back, and your fettle seems finer than ever. I've missed you SO MUCH!
I have missed your humor! I did not know that was the reason eggs needed to be at room temp, so I did learn something from your magazines.
I've missed you, too, Tonja! In fact, I've clicked on "Gatherings" on my sidebar several times thinking perhaps I've somehow missed your posts. So glad to see you're back and, as always, you made me laugh and brightened this cloudy day.
I can relate to what you said about "Love It or List It." It seems like every show on HGTV is a rerun of a previous show, just with different people doing the same old things. Maybe the new season will have some fresh faces and interesting ideas for a change.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend, my friend. I'm so glad you're back!
That's funny that you mentioned that, cause I have never written any input to a TV show, etc. that I can remember, but a couple of months ago I went online and wrote an email to HGTV telling them how ridiculously redundant that show is and how sick I am of seeing that show constantly being run . . . from a loyal HGTV fan. 🙂 I thought it was maybe just that woman, but even with the new hosts, it's just as predictable and aggravating.
And I miss you , too!! Enjoyed your post!
Excited to read another post! You certainly have a way with words and stories!!
Oh, Tonja, this was great!!! I too have missed your wonderful blog posts.
And how I agree!! Sometimes I feel like Solomon's "There's nothing new under the sun." I can hardly find one useful thing in magazines except the crossword and Sudoku puzzles. Gotta keep my brain alive!!
Hi Tonja, I have to admit I take 0 magazine by subscription. However, occasionally I buy one with every intention to read it immediately upon returning home and sitting down. Never happens. Usually after a month of two I just throw the mag away without ever having opened it. My lesson is just don't buy them. Read them in waiting rooms and take them with a grain of salt. I too have missed your blog. Glad to read you today and hope all is well.
I get my magazine fix at the dentist office waiting room twice a year! HAHAHA!! I am thinking this is why! Hehehe! Very fun read this morning! I hope you have a good day today!
Hope all is well and happy down where you and your Dearies are. October dawns a little damper, but still in need of more rain.
Just bought from Sweetpea in her first-grade sales, and I picked Highlights to go to her, and let her Mommy pick one. None for me, I'm afraid—just no interest any more.
Wishing you all a bright and beautiful October!