I was watching the early news when the ‘Breaking News’ announcement came on relaying to the the world the horror that had just taken place in Newtown.  There was not much information confirmed at that time…but, I found myself glued to the TV…waiting to hear more.  I think it was because it was a school.  And, that involved children.  I was waiting to hear that the children were safe, and that the police had gotten there and arrested the intruder.  I was waiting to hear that all was well.  I don’t know at what point in the story you were informed of the sadness…but, for me, it only got worse and worse the longer I listened.
I think I have heard everything that has been reported and then retracted and newly reported as I watched on Friday and Saturday.  And, as of this moment, there are still those same questions they were attempting to answer then, still waiting to be known.  And, I think there is much we may never know.  Who can ever tell for sure?  And, why do we even want to know, really?  I’ve really wondered about that.  Why do I want to know why he did it and what caused him to go off the deep end on that particular morning?  It doesn’t make the horror any better…and it doesn’t make it any easier to think about.  It doesn’t lessen the pain for the victims…it doesn’t make us feel any better to know all the details.  So, why?
I think I’ve figured out the answer for me.  When something so unusual and terrible and hard to imagine happens…I need to know as much as I can, so as to understand as much as I can.  When I have the available facts, I am then able to find a place to put the information.  It makes me feel as if I am ‘prepared’ should I ever encounter something akin to it.  God forbid!  But, it is so hard to ‘put it away’ if I am full of questions.
I think what has bothered me the most about this whole situation is the horror the children went through before they died.  I read where one of the boys died in the arms of his teacher aide…her body attempting to shield his.  Hopefully, he never saw.  But, surely some of them did.  They would know what happens when you get shot with a gun…a ‘real gun’.  I mean, they watch TV and they see violence everywhere.  It is an almost impossible task to keep a child away from it these days.  So, they knew what was coming.  They saw.
The Bible states that…

“He will cover you with His wings.  Under the feathers of His wings you will find safety.  He is faithful.  He will keep you safe like a shield or a tower.”  Psalm 91:4


I am not sure of all the deeper meaning these verse carries.  But, for me, for this situation, I choose to believe that His very arms and body covered over those children and they were spared some of the fear and pain.  I do know they were immediately in Heaven with the Father and others who have gone before.  I don’t understand it all.  But, I do know God.  And, I know He loves children.  Whatever it would have taken to comfort and soothe them is what they received.  This is just what I choose to believe happened.  Perhaps because it makes it easier for me to think about it.  Don’t you just know that our Heavenly Father sent angels upon angels to attend those sweet innocents?

He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust; His truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

Thou shalt not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flieth by day,

11 For He shall give His angels charge over thee to keep thee in all thy ways.

12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.  Psalm 91:4-5,11-12

I am still heartsick at the very thought of the happenings of that day.  But, it will begin to fade from our sight as we hear less and less talk about it.  We will forget and not think of it until we hear the words ‘Sandy Hook Elementary School’….and then we will remember the sad story once again.
I want to be angry with the shooter’s family.  They should have known.  They should have gotten him help.  They should have..they should have.  What do I know?  I didn’t live with this boy in my care  24/7.  I didn’t go to sleep every night and wake up every morning seeking help and trying to find a way for him to navigate this world.  I don’t know all his Mom struggled with, nor do I know what went on there behind closed doors.  So, I wish peace for the remaining members of his family.  I’m so sorry for the Mom.  She was the one who bore the brunt of his daily actions.  I wonder if the father and the brother tried.  No matter…they would have never wished this on anyone.
And, so how do I sum all this up.  There’s really not a good way.  I wish us all wisdom to learn the lessons form this tragedy.  Look for early signs of mental illness.  Be ready to move at a moment’s notice.  Be ready to console.  Be ready to step up and be a friend.  Be ready to remember…the good and the bad…and take to heart the lessons they have presented us with.