It’s that time again, Ladies. So, raise your big toe and repeat after me…”As a member of the Sassy Sisterhood, I pledge to follow these rules when I wear sandals or open toed shoes:
1. I promise to wear sandals that fit: My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. Also, the tops and sides of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.
2. I will go polish free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip free. I will not cheat and just touch up the big toe.
3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.
4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.
5. I will not wear pantyhose with my sandals. Not even if my mom, or co-worker, or girlfriend tell me the toe seam will stay under my toe if I tuck it there. (This dear readers, is what Spanx is for)
6. If my straps break, I will not duct tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get it repaired or toss it.
7. I will not live in corn denial, but rather, I will lean on my friend, Dr. Scholl if my feet need him.
8. I will resist the urge to buy a pair of jelly shoes…even for the low, low price of $4.99. (This is out of concern for your safety. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat. You could take someone down with you as you fall and break your ankle.)
9. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes start to swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.”
O.K. , now, you promised. I’ll be watching…….