TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
On the 30 of November, there will converge on your big city, a group unlike any group ever to so converge. You may have heard rumors that this group was coming, and you may have even been a little frightened. Let me assure you, you have nothing to fear from these ladies…but they WILL make their presence known. Can’t you just FEEL the excitement?

As a charter member of this organization, it has fallen my responsibility to confirm to you that we have, indeed, chosen Birmingham as our official meeting place for meeting #2. I know this is more than you, as a city, could have ever dreamed of. The “B” CLUB is on its way! I’ll give you a moment to finish cheering. I’m sure you wish to welcome us properly and bestow great honors on us…and rightly so. I imagine you have parade committees working, even as I type. And, the other festivities that you would choose to have in our honor, would be the “event of the year” we are sure.

However, we respectfully ask that you allow us to just keep this “gathering” very low key. We realize that this is the holiday season, and resources are stretched to the limit. We, as busy women of the world, recognize this, and wish to add no other responsibilities for you during this busy time. We realize that you usually would have elaborate ceremonies and presentations, grand balls and elegant banquets when such dignitaries grace you with their presence, And, we know, that the festivities you would like to plan for us would outdo any that you have done in the past…and rightly so. But, we choose to just ease into town and carry on our business without all the fanfare. Sometimes, it is just nice to be one of the ‘regular people’. It is easier for us to carry out our intended business that way. I know those of you already in the planning stages are disappointed, but, we ask that you indulge us on this. We will likely return, and there will be time then for you to honor us as we so deserve. Plus, this will give you more time for the planning you will need to do to properly impress us. Now, dry those tears,,,and put a smile back on your faces. You’ve still got lots to look forward to. You may even catch a glimpse of us while we are in town. Now, wouldn’t that just make your day? Perhaps you may stand next to us as we shop. If you happen to see us making a purchase in one of your lovely shops, you could have the honor of allowing us to go to the head of the line. You may catch a glimpse of us as we eat. Yes, even we “B” CLUBBERS have to stop for nourishment occasionally. But, if you will please, allow us to enjoy our meals in private…this is where we conduct some of our most important business. If you’d like to send over desserts covered in chocolate, we will be so gracious as to accept.

We do have a few minor requests, however, that you may so kindly help us with. First, we require some nice weather…we do not mind a little ‘nip in the air’…but we do request a blue sky with much sunshine. We all have cute sweaters that we are anxious to wear, and this is the proper time for us to show our good taste. So, just cool enough for a sweater, please….but not so cool as to need a bulky coat to have to drag around and weigh us down and keep us from our appointed duties. Also, if you would be so kind as to clear the traffic from our paths as we make our way around your city, it would be such a help. As we are only in town for a short time, surely your tasks and outings can be put on hold until we return to our homes. This is an easy way for you to show these ladies the respect they have earned. Just explain to your children that karate classes, and gymnastics, and dance and football pale in comparison to the workings of our group. This could be such a learning experience for them as they come to realize that certain groups have prestige and privilege afforded to them and their needs will always take precedence. Why this could even become an incentive for them to one day aspire to be a “B” themselves.

I am sure you are already making plans to add this information to the textbooks your children are learning from. Just think, one day you can say to a child or grandchild, “I remember when the “B” Club came to town back in ’07. I only caught a glimpse of them as they passed, but this old town has never been the same!” Won’t you be proud? And just think how special you will be in their eyes?

So, be proud, Birmingham, you have been chosen for a high honor. Your adherence to our requests will go far in the possibility you may be chosen another time. The ball is in your court…get out there and serve!

We always hear about Christmas Spirit at this time of the year…but what exactly IS ‘Christmas Spirit?’ Is it in the mall or the boutiques? Is it found at the numerous Christmas programs we will attend? Is it found in the Pastor’s sermon on the Sundays leading up to the BIG DAY? Is it in the faces of the children as they sit on Santa’s lap? Is it outside of the big shopping centers next to the big kettle and the ringing bell? Is it at the table on Christmas day surrounded by your loved ones? Is it around the Christmas tree as everyone is tearing open their packages? Is it in the car as you travel to visit family?

I think you can find it in all these places..but do you? I have found through the years that I don’t always have it. I feel like I should, but, in all honesty, that’s just not the way it is for me. According to tradition, we should all have that special glow, that ‘love the whole world’ mentality, and open pockets ready to share from the moment Christmas is first mentioned. Well, I am here to say…”it ain’t necessarily so.” I get so caught up in all the TO DO lists and the presents, and the cooking and the parties, and the programs, and the services and the needy children and the decorating and the shopping and the visiting and the cards and the…and the…and the…Where did all this come from? And WHY do we do it, and continue to do it year after year? I find myself bemoaning the fact that I just don’t feel like it’s Christmas,,,and I don’t feel like doing all this stuff again, and nobody notices unless I DON’T do it and nobody appreciates just how hard I work to get everything ready. There’s just no way the Christmas Spirit can get through all that.

I wait for it to “hit me”…and thank God, it always does…just when I least expect it. One year it came as I was sharing the Christmas story with a group of preschoolers, and when I got to the part about the manger, a sweet little boy said, “He shouldn’t ‘a ‘ever had to sleep in a barn…it stinks in there…somebody shoulda’ gived Him a bed.” The sweetness and honesty of children…I found it there. One year, I found it as I sat in a huge Christmas program and watched a son, who had been struggling with his own issues and bad choices, cry huge tears, unashamedly, because he was so touched at the message he had heard so many times before. I knew he was going to find his way back…and my heart was filled to overflowing with Christmas Spirit. Last year, I found it in a dear, sweet man, whom I love like a grandfather. I was sitting in church on Sunday evening, and Uncle Allison was sitting in front of me. He had been watching over his wife with Alzheimer’s for many years…waiting on her and caring for her so tenderly. As he sang Christmas carols with his still beautiful tenor voice…face towards heaven and Glory on his face, I thought this must truly be what the angels in heaven sound like. And I found it there.

It will come…it always does. Just as I used to wait expectantly for Santa to arrive, I now wait for that funny feeling in my stomach, that catch in my throat, that swelling in my heart…and I know..I KNOW..I’ve caught the Christmas Spirit once again.

If, in the exciting life that you lead, you happen to notice a funny smell coming from your dishwasher, keep the following info handy…close by…and reread.

When you notice that yucky smell, it could be the garbage disposal. If it is, there is a great product you can buy at the grocery store to pour down the drain. It bubbles up nicely, and eats away all the gunk in the nether regions under your kitchen sink. Things it is best not to speak of. After said product has worked its magic…all will be well..with nary a smell.

HOWEVER, if you feel certain within an inch of your life, that the smell cometh from inside the dishwasher….DO NOT….NEVER…EVER…IN YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE…PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU…DO NOT decide to just shoot a few squirts of disposal cleaner into the bottom of the dishwasher. Even if you think, “it cleaned out the disposal so well, I figured it couldn’t hurt to send it to work its magic on the dishwasher…I just put in a few squirts…”

No mop available, would have soaked up the water. So, Alex and I gathered together all…yea ALL, the towels in the house and began the cleanup. This was a flood of biblical proportions, y’all. And we sopped up water…and detergent…and DISPOSAL CLEANER until we were nigh unto death. Until our backs began to wither and our legs to shout a mighty “STOP, ALREADY!” We scooted the wet towels into the laundry room and began the great DIRTY TOWEL WASH OFF that is continuing even until today.

MORAL…DO NOT “GO STUPID” and leave your wife and son to clean up your mess. It is going to take some major shiny baubles and trinkets to soothe my weary back and legs…and the loss of my Sunday afternoon nap.

It will be nice to have every, single towel, dishcloth, cleaning rag in the house clean at one time. But, not enough for me to ever forget this one. I’m claiming major points for keeping my cool and not throwing the ‘husband out with the dishwasher water.’

Hi friends
I just stopped by K-Mart on the way home from church. They had a big display set up about this movie…and on the book aisle were a stack of the books, His Dark Materials. This is the first I have seen of any kind of display, but, I suppose it is like the article said, when the kids watch the movie, they will want the books.

I just want us to be aware of what this really is, so we won’t be taken in and can speak out about this evil influence.

I have read some alarming news today and I wish to share it with you, in case you haven’t heard. New Line Cinema is releasing a movie geared to children on December 7
The movie, The Golden Compass, is not at all what it is portrayed to be in the reviews and trailers. The makers of this film are hoping that you will associate it with the Chronicles Of Narnia, but it happens to be the exact opposite. This is a very dark and sinister movie. It is the first movie in a trilogy based in the books by Philip Pullman, an avowed atheist. It is about the death of organized religion and the overthrow of God. His objective in writing this series called His Dark Materials, is to counteract the symbolism of Christ that was evidenced in The Chronicles of Narnia. While the movie may seem innocent enough, the real danger is in the books. And promoters of the movie are hoping that children and teens who see the movie will then request the books for Christmas. In the final book, characters who represent Adam and Eve eventually kill God. Pullman has been quoted as saying.”I loathe the Narnia books. I hate them with a deep and bitter passion. I don’t know whether there is a God or not. No one does, no matter what they say.” The movie is set in a parallel universe where every one’s soul in manifest as a “daemon” or talking animal. The “church” is kidnapping children and cutting the invisible thread that binds them to their “daemon”…thus removing their souls. Sounds like great holiday viewing, doesn’t it?

Once again, the ‘powers that be’ in Hollywood are deciding what our children and teens should see. And, then manipulating us into spending our money to purchase vile literature for our children to read. I, for one, will have none of it. And I plan to use my little voice in this big, big world to take a stand against it. I will tell as many people as I have opportunity to about this latest effort to tarnish the minds of today’s youth.
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I have quoted from articles found on the web;
The LA Times
Fox News
About.com
Urban Legends