TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
On the 30 of November, there will converge on your big city, a group unlike any group ever to so converge. You may have heard rumors that this group was coming, and you may have even been a little frightened. Let me assure you, you have nothing to fear from these ladies…but they WILL make their presence known. Can’t you just FEEL the excitement?
As a charter member of this organization, it has fallen my responsibility to confirm to you that we have, indeed, chosen Birmingham as our official meeting place for meeting #2. I know this is more than you, as a city, could have ever dreamed of. The “B” CLUB is on its way! I’ll give you a moment to finish cheering. I’m sure you wish to welcome us properly and bestow great honors on us…and rightly so. I imagine you have parade committees working, even as I type. And, the other festivities that you would choose to have in our honor, would be the “event of the year” we are sure.
However, we respectfully ask that you allow us to just keep this “gathering” very low key. We realize that this is the holiday season, and resources are stretched to the limit. We, as busy women of the world, recognize this, and wish to add no other responsibilities for you during this busy time. We realize that you usually would have elaborate ceremonies and presentations, grand balls and elegant banquets when such dignitaries grace you with their presence, And, we know, that the festivities you would like to plan for us would outdo any that you have done in the past…and rightly so. But, we choose to just ease into town and carry on our business without all the fanfare. Sometimes, it is just nice to be one of the ‘regular people’. It is easier for us to carry out our intended business that way. I know those of you already in the planning stages are disappointed, but, we ask that you indulge us on this. We will likely return, and there will be time then for you to honor us as we so deserve. Plus, this will give you more time for the planning you will need to do to properly impress us. Now, dry those tears,,,and put a smile back on your faces. You’ve still got lots to look forward to. You may even catch a glimpse of us while we are in town. Now, wouldn’t that just make your day? Perhaps you may stand next to us as we shop. If you happen to see us making a purchase in one of your lovely shops, you could have the honor of allowing us to go to the head of the line. You may catch a glimpse of us as we eat. Yes, even we “B” CLUBBERS have to stop for nourishment occasionally. But, if you will please, allow us to enjoy our meals in private…this is where we conduct some of our most important business. If you’d like to send over desserts covered in chocolate, we will be so gracious as to accept.
We do have a few minor requests, however, that you may so kindly help us with. First, we require some nice weather…we do not mind a little ‘nip in the air’…but we do request a blue sky with much sunshine. We all have cute sweaters that we are anxious to wear, and this is the proper time for us to show our good taste. So, just cool enough for a sweater, please….but not so cool as to need a bulky coat to have to drag around and weigh us down and keep us from our appointed duties. Also, if you would be so kind as to clear the traffic from our paths as we make our way around your city, it would be such a help. As we are only in town for a short time, surely your tasks and outings can be put on hold until we return to our homes. This is an easy way for you to show these ladies the respect they have earned. Just explain to your children that karate classes, and gymnastics, and dance and football pale in comparison to the workings of our group. This could be such a learning experience for them as they come to realize that certain groups have prestige and privilege afforded to them and their needs will always take precedence. Why this could even become an incentive for them to one day aspire to be a “B” themselves.
I am sure you are already making plans to add this information to the textbooks your children are learning from. Just think, one day you can say to a child or grandchild, “I remember when the “B” Club came to town back in ’07. I only caught a glimpse of them as they passed, but this old town has never been the same!” Won’t you be proud? And just think how special you will be in their eyes?
So, be proud, Birmingham, you have been chosen for a high honor. Your adherence to our requests will go far in the possibility you may be chosen another time. The ball is in your court…get out there and serve!