I do not like high heels…never have. I think they are torture devices. They were created by the same person who thought up panty hose…another unfortunate invention forced upon women. My husband, however, likes those high heels…which of course necessitates a pair of panty hose.

We had a formal event to attend few years back, and he specifically asked that I not wear those house shoes (meaning flats) to the event. I agreed and went out and bought a pair of very nice looking high heels. And, I bought a pair of panty hose. I even decided to buy a new dress to match my new shoes. I figured since he was paying…I wanted him to get a bang for his buck. I looked pretty spiffy…and DH even said the other ‘s’ word…sexy! Our boys were so impressed with our dressed up selves….they even took pictures. They pulled the truck up to the door and had such fun watching their dad , in his tux, escorting me, Miss Fancy Nancy! That was for sure the best part of the evening. (Only in the Deep South do you go to formal events in a pick-up truck. It’s not like I didn’t have a perfectly good CAR we could go in.) But, I digress.

I felt pretty proud of myself…I had managed to walk to the car without mishap. We arrived at our local Civic Center, and parked about 2 miles away. “I can do this,” I told myself, “I can sit down as soon as I get in.” But the more I walked, the more I realized that I made 1 tiny miscalculation. Seeing as how I had not worn panty hose in several years, I kind of misjudged the sizing …just a tad. It seemed the more I walked…the further down my lower half they scooted. Which in turn caused the roll of excess me that resides around my middle region to pop up over the panty of the panty hose. And the more I walked the more of me escaped the confines of the ‘control top’. Some control! I had on a slip, which was a necessity with the dress I was wearing, and when the little muffin top made a run for it…the slip just slipped up on top of the mid section. All of which made for a cushy little roll- mid dress. Meanwhile we are walking into the shin-dig. As I am trying to gracefully walk like a lady, my tender tootsies are screaming…nigh on to profanities…”GET US OUT OF HERE NOW!” I was in trouble, my friends…big trouble. I prayed our table was close to the door…it was at the furthest point from the door! And, you wonder if God has a sense of humor? I sat…and all the surrounding flesh happily deposits itself in my lap…as the hose scoot down just a little further in the back. I begin to plot how to tastefully get the hose off the body without anyone seeing. Prayer! That’s when I will make my move…when they bless the food. Maybe I can scoot out the door when they are praying. Good plan. Guess who says the blessing…DH. And guess what everyone else does…stand up. There is now no path to the door…I am trapped. If they would just scoot on down past the bottom of me, I maybe could yank them off under the table. No, they’re stuck..halfway down in the back, but all the way down in the front. I KNOW you girls know what I mean! RATS! At least I can take my shoes off. I ever so kindly declined to stand at any of the standing ovations…and spend the whole program praying earnestly for some help from above…to save my sorry soul. As the festivities are drawing to a close, I slipped my shoes back on…I tried to slip my shoes back on…I had to reach down and TUG my shoes back on. All the binding about my nether regions had caused my feet to swell…I was afraid…really afraid…to stand up. I had no idea what was going to happen next. I asked DH to go and get the car and pick me up at the door. “Ah, come on, a little walk never hurt anyone!” he said.

Luckily, he talked to a lot of folks before we left and I sort of faded back when I could. Most of the people had left when we finally made our exit. And then, DH turned to me and said, “Come on, let me see you walk in those sexy high heels!”..as I was trying to gracefully make my way across the Civic Center parking lot, with one hand strategically placed on my back to hold the last bit of panty still covering its assigned position, and trying to keep our name from being the laughing stock of the town. Oh, yes he did! I, oh so carefully, bent down and removed the shoes from my feet…and walked barefoot…or stocking feet across the parking lot. “You are going to ruin your hose”, he said. Little did he know that I had plans to use those hose to commit a crime later on that night. I made it to the truck,and got in, and yanked the offending garment from my body…which was quite easy since they were finally down to my thighs! And then, I got out of the truck and walked to the rusty, old garbage can nearby…and threw the silky nightmare into the can. I walked back to the car and got in. “What did you throw away?, DH asked. “Those ****** pantyhose,” I answered. “Well, pantyhose did not make all that noise! You must have thrown away something else.” “You think so, D?”
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This ‘lovely evening’ re-entered my mind as I was toiling in the closet, and came upon the dress. What to do? Since the other parts of the outfit are lying in a landfill now, I might as well dump the dress. I will put it with the clothes going to charity. This brings us to RULE # 9…NEVER…N.E.V.E.R wear clothes or shoes to an event that YOU do not feel comfortable in. You will not enjoy yourself, you will not enjoy the party, and you may end up trashing part of the ensemble at the end of the evening to the tune of over $150.00! I’m just saying…

Your heart starts to race…you feel the adrenalin begin to pump…your eyes focus…you feel as if you are floating on air…beautiful music begins to play in the background. There they are…THE PERFECT PAIR OF SHOES! You may have been searching all over town for them, or you may have come upon them unexpectedly.No matter…the effect is the same. They are just what you were looking for…even if you weren’t looking. Because, as we all know, our fashion radar is always tuned toward a great looking pair of shoes.

Now, either you love shoes, or you don’t. But, if you don’t…you have missed the chance to experience pure bliss. To make a shoe lover’s day, all it takes is 2 words…”CUTE SHOES!” A new pair of shoes can change our whole day…for the better!

And with all this in mind, I continue on my closet adventure with special attention today to shoes! Now, let me say this, in all honesty. I have a problem with shoes…I love them too much. I know it. I embrace it. And I’m too old to change it…nor do I want to. I started this ‘shoe showdown’ in the summer. I have already gotten rid of about 30 pairs. I am fortunate to have some friends with the same shoe size as me. Of course, my shoe lovin’ friend Shani said, “just give them to me, I don’t care what size they are…I’ll wear them anyway!” I understand that, I used to be the same way, but the years have forced me to be more sensible about such things if I intend to walk on successive days. RULE #6…There IS a perfect pair of shoes for every outfit!

I am of the opinion that the right shoe can make any outfit. Dona said black pants and white shirts should be ‘the uniform ‘. Well, just add these, or these or these, and it really looks great!

Well, how many pairs of black shoes should one lady own, you ask? “No limit,” sounds just about right to me. What do you think? NONE of these are leaving my closet!

I will say that this IS a little excessive…there are 26 pair of flip flops!
Kat and Tracey will understand that, I am sure!

Now, Teresa says she spices up her black pants with colored T’s. Add a cute shoe like these, and you are all set!

Since I am on my feet all morning at school, I usually wear some kind of tennis shoes, or athletic shoe. What do you think of these?
And these?(yes, my foot was in one of them at the time of this pic)All of the shoes shown above…and the flip flops are moving with me!

RULE #7…If the shoe is not comfortable in the store when you are trying it on, it will NEVER be comfortable.

RULE #8…NEVER buy uncomfortable shoes. If your feet hurt…so does everything else! Especially if your feet have walked as many miles as mine have.
In the spirit of full disclosure…there are also 6 pairs of boots, and 28 pairs of sandals…haven’t gone through them yet.

(This is my ’08 shirt design for the adults at our school.)

Kat @ Just A Beach Kat has passed along this special Smile Award. Thanks Kat! But, I think, in the smile department, Kat has us all beat! Such a sweet lady with a smile that shows her heart.

Characteristics for the Smile Award:
Must display a cheerful attitude. (not necessarily at all times–we are all human)
Must love one another
Must make mistakes
Must learn from others
Must be a positive contributor to blog world
Must love life
Must love kids

I pass this along, with a smile, to:

Nancy @ Too Wonderful For Me
Sharon @ Sharon Hurley
Teresa @ Living the Life

TIME: a few weeks back
PLACE: my den
CHARACTERS: myself and DH

DH: (enters with papers in hand) “Well, it looks as if I’m going to have to go out of town at the beginning of October.”
T: “Do you have a convention?”
DH: “Not exactly.”
T: “What does that mean?”
DH: Well, Y***** is sponsoring the trip, but it’s not a convention.”
T: “Well, what IS it?”
DH: “It’s a reward trip…I won it.”
T: “Where is it?”
DH: “Oh, I’m sure you wouldn’t be interested. I think I’ll just see if Alex is up to going with me?”
T: “Where’s the trip, D(Full name)?”
DH: “Oh, let’s see, I forget the name of the exact RESORT. It’s the Grand something.”
T: (rising from the couch) “Give me those papers!” (grabbing papers from his hand, and scanning them quickly).
T: “You won a trip to MAUI and you are just now telling me about it? It is in less than 2 months! How long have you known about this?”
DH: “A few months, why?”
T: “Because, D, you can’t just run off to Maui on the spur of the moment. There are plans to make…itineraries to work out…clothes to buy…weight to lose!”
DH: “All you have to do is throw some shorts in a bag and go.”
T: “Thanks for winning the trip, DH, but I’ll take it from here!”
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Well, that’s CLOSE to how it happened, anyway. We really are going back to Maui…my favorite place on God’s beautiful earth. However, we really did want Alex to go. I have always wanted to take my boys (and now my DIL) to Hawaii, and show them the beauty I have always enjoyed there. But, Alex is really not able to go at this time. He made the decision, and just said that he would not enjoy it the way he is feeling now. I do not think he has the strength to make the trip. And, for that I am sad. Because, as much as I love Maui and surrounding islands, I would gladly stay home for him to be able to go. He would love it so much. So, it is with a little sadness that I look forward to October 3…when we will depart for Paradise. I can only do this because of the great support system that I am blessed with. My Mom, my sister, Joy, my DIL, Suzanne, and Adam and Ian will all help with Alex while I am gone. They will see that he does not want for anything…they will bring him meals, and provide him with company, help with his meds, and whatever else he needs. Do you know what a blessing that is? I can go away for a week and not worry, because he will be in good hands. When I am able to travel, I really do not worry…I trust that if God has it in His plans for me to travel…He can certainly watch over Alex while I’m gone.
Things have been a little overwhelming lately. My Pop is recovering from surgery, and Mom still is not feeling well, Ian has been ill, school has started back, I have not felt very well myself, Alex has not had a good day in so long…I can not even remember, AND we’re building a house! And building a house requires packing up this one. But, Pop is better, and Mom has good days all along, Ian has some new meds that are helping him, school is a joy, my health is a little better, and the house is moving right along. The only thing not looking up is Alex’s health…and that is all in God’s hands. And, now God has blessed us with a vacation in Maui. I am blessed…and humbled.

Beautiful painting of the Plumeria Flower by Hawaiian artist Kaypee Soh. The scent of this flower is heavenly! Titled Plumier.